In the last post, we saw that The Velveteen Rabbit was on to something important. Becoming “Real” is a process of living fully and taking charge of Life’s circumstances, even when it hurts.
We shared a bit about the dying process of our friend, Dan, who understood that “becoming Real” is what Life is all about.
The first three practices for “Loving Yourself into Real” were to slow down and breathe, take time to create an inner smile, and listen to the whispers of your Heart.
Here are the next three practices and they are just as important – and just as enjoyable – to bring into your Life.
4. Shift your identity
Loving yourself into Real requires both letting go of the defining roles and beliefs you have about yourself, AND the way you perceive how others define you.
Any statement that begins with “I Am” or “You Are” is an identity statement. When it is in the form of “self talk” – that is, addressed to you, by you — it generates responses that create who you are at an intellectual, emotional and physical level.
In other words you “become” what you are naming yourself. That “It” you call yourself becomes your Identity.
When you are Loving yourself into Real you shift your identity by using self-talk that knows who you are and holds you with high regard. For example, whole-heartedly expressing and feeling, “I AM naturally, creative, resourceful and whole”, alters your physiology on every level.
It also initiates and sustains a higher functioning neural web that will lead you to greater happiness. And, it won’t lock you into any one role or belief system, either.
As you explore this practice notice how easy – or difficult – it may be to accept yourself as Naturally, Creative, Resourceful and Whole at this core level.
5. Appreciate yourself, others and your situations.
The word “Appreciation” is an extraordinary word. It indicates growth, expansion and generating more of what is already good and great.
Money appreciates, and so does Love, Respect, Trust and Generosity when we allow it to thrive within ourselves and with others.
Loving yourself into Real requires appreciation for all that has brought you to this point in your life, right now. It means treasuring the gifts of learning that have come from your successes and failures.
Insight #1 in Danger, Sex and Magic says, “This is what Love looks like in this moment,” and it is the source of the energy that fuels power of Appreciation.
Love yourself into Real by recognizing your worthiness as a one-of-a-kind, never-before-existed, work of genius!
6. Know the difference between self-judgment and self-evaluation.
Simply put, Self-judgment is the opinions and beliefs you have about yourself and your abilities. For example you might say to yourself. “This is good, that is bad; This is right, that is wrong; I am good, I am bad” (yes, these last two judgments define identity).
Self-evaluation is about gaining insight, via direct observation, that assists you in identifying the changes you may choose to make. It is the information-gathering you need to do in order to achieve the fulfillment of your goals and desired outcomes.
Here’s an example: If you are learning tennis you learn how to place the ball with greater accuracy by making changes based on evaluating where the ball lands in contrast to where you wanted it to go. Hitting the ball a little more to the left or right, harder or softer, are specific evaluations that can be adjusted on a moment-by-moment basis.
Self- evaluation needs to be consistent, objective, clear, and specific, if it is to redirect your actions toward greater accuracy.
If the only feedback you give yourself is self-judgment: “Well that was a stupid thing to do”, “I’ll never get it right”, or “I’m no good at this. I give up”, you will forever remain stuck!
What is Real is that you CAN be, do, or have anything you want. It takes self-evaluation to know if you are “hitting the ball” with the precision that it takes to bring you closer to your outcomes.
Loving Yourself into Real is a journey. These six practices will give you additional support and insights along the way.
Remember, it’s never over till it’s over! Keep Loving Yourself into Real and you will be happier for it.
We invite you to enjoy this inspiring Ted Talk video. Combined with our six practices, you will play the Game of Life, Love and Real with even greater flair.