Our formula says that the sum of adding together Love and Courage, in the context of personal power, is Confidence. We are as certain of this as night follows day, fire is hot, and the Chicago Cubs will not win the pennant next year!
Let’s be clear. You can be certain about things occurring: night and day, fire and heat, the Cubs and the pennant, AND the result of our formula. Certainty, however, is not quite the same as confidence when you think of it in terms of what it means to generate your personal power.
The dictionary does say that confidence is, “a state of feeling certain about the truth of something”, but it also says that it is, “a feeling of self-assurance that arises from one’s appreciation of one’s own ability; and a firm trust, a sense of self-reliance, boldness”.
From a Danger, Sex and Magic viewpoint, confidence is an important generative state of being when beginning any new project or focusing on an outcome or goal you set for yourself.
Confidence is the beautiful feeling of believing in who you are as a person and what you can accomplish. A confident person uses every situation to cultivate more and more evidence for the outcome they desire.
As we’ve done before in this series, let’s look at what Confidence is not. It’s not:
- an over-bearing power or a feeling of superiority.
- arrogance that puffs up the ego for show and appearance.
- over-compensating with excessive risk-taking, workaholism, or brashness.
- about being oblivious to other people because you think your position is more important or right.
In fact, all of these are compensations that scream a yearning for true confidence.
More often we see signs of lack of confidence, also revealing the very same yearning:
- Failure to integrate positive, permanent habits
- Procrastination or action that is inconsistent
- Stuck in unfulfilling work and not doing what you love
- Perpetual financial struggle
- Low vitality, feeling tired and in declining health
- Settling for un-supportive, disempowering relationships instead of loving ones
The person who can put Confidence in a bottle will make a billion dollars. Drug companies can sell all the anti-depressants they can make, but they will never be able to supply true Confidence.
Building true Confidence is an inside job. DSM is designed to build on the foundations described in our formula — Love, Self-Care, and Courage.
As a result bringing these dynamic components into play with each other, over time and with awareness, Confidence is born.
Here is a quick and easy way to activate the Love + Courage = Confidence mini-model:
- Pick the one goal, ambition or outcome you feel most confident about achieving in the coming year.
- Enjoy for a moment the sense of trust, self-reliance and certainty that permeates through you and around this outcome. Include noticing your internal dialogue such as, “I know I can do this, I know I will be able to meet any challenges and learn what I need to learn, etc.”
- Now pick another ambition for that year that you are not so certain about, and your confidence about achieving it is not as high.
- Notice the difference (inner dialogue, feelings, etc.) between them and make a mental note of it.
Now apply the Love + Courage = Confidence formula to the second outcome by exploring these questions:
- What is it I love about this outcome or goal?
- How does it serve me and others?
- How does it grow, nurture and sustain my personal growth and development?
- What courageous action will I take to make this happen?
- What do I know I can rely on myself for?
- What do I know about myself that supports me in my journey toward this goal?
Apply these questions and discover how the formula begins to operate within you and opens you up to understanding how you create success. Calling on these aspects of intentionality will build unstoppable confidence, as surely as Fire IS Hot!
Remember, enjoy the process. The road to happiness is definitely NOT a straight line!